Nov 19, 2019
I received a few questions from a journalist recently regarding ‘Mummy Guilt’ and as promised here is an extended version of the answer I gave to question 2 of 7.
Question 2: How common have you found the phenomenon to be amongst working mums?
The phenomenon of guilt amongst working mums is huge (the majority I would say) and this is not negating men too, the core foundation of this being, that in order to succeed at anything in life there needs to be at least a few years of advanced study, skill and practice in place first! We all know this is true as a rule to success! So how is parenting going to succeed if you are not focusing on putting the same effort of advanced thinking and practice into this too?
However, within the life of a working mum, parenting is not the only consideration, this is not counting all the other layers of daily issues that come up, emotions that are needing to be managed and integrated regarding your child, arising from inside and outside of the home and alongside with all of this there is also; running the home, having a career, being a parent, being a wife, being an individual – all needing your mental and emotional time, space and effort too!
All the above are just headings on the doorways into the multiple detail and skill that is needed. With most things that need managing in life, you know how to keep moving in the direction of success because you know the detail of what is needed, it’s now, with the speed and pressure of life today; that is building time restriction into what is needed and chaos into the amount that needs to be done, which is making everything more and more difficult to achieve!
However! Then we have parenting, which exists as a doorway of its own that needs to be opened and explored in order to feel you understand what it takes to be succeeding here too. Let me share with you some of the detailed skill, knowledge and understanding that exist within the realms of parenting and family life and see if you agree.
So it is clear, I would just like to say at this point, that these skills have always been needed, it’s just now, with the speed and pressure of life today, as parents, you need to be clearly aware of this elusive doorway called parenting and the skills that exist behind it in order to start protecting and safeguarding the mental and emotional health and wellbeing of your family.
By revealing this door, understanding and then actioning the information behind it, will them become a place where you can start feeling more confident and secure about what guidance and support you are able to give your children until they are able to take over the reins of this for themselves.
In order to operate and succeed at the next level of parenting, these are the different areas of skill, knowledge and understanding you are needing to master in order to guide, support and protect your child at the highest level and what is involved within that is an understanding of; Human Behaviour, Psychology, Universal Laws, Relationship skill, Laws of Nature, Sociology, Philosophy, Metaphysics and Ontology. All of which are key areas that exist within the complexity of family life and as guardians of your family, they are therefore the key areas that need to be understood by you as parents so you are then able to pass the key knowledge and understanding of these skills onto your children too by example and through guidance!
This is not about me putting more pressure on parents to achieve more it’s about being smarter and reaching further into the deeper routed problems of these complex emotions that exist within family life, which are quite happily supporting a feeling of guilt coming from a place of… “How can I be all that I need to be for my children when I am not experienced in all the different areas, that I need to be, for them”?
How much more pressure can you take regarding what is needing to be achieved on a daily basis at the same time as being responsible for protecting your children from being caught up in all this pressure too?
As the adults in any situation, if you are under pressure and you project this pressure onto your children, then it has nowhere else to go but into them or for them to have the urge to fight back so in any conflicting situation, at any age, there can also be another meaning behind it for them and is not just about them resisting you in that moment, but about them wanting to resist the pressure they are feeling from it because of the way you are saying it, because you are feeling under pressure! And the old adage, ‘it’s not what you are saying it’s how you are saying it’ and ‘guilt’ can weave its ugly self all through the process of conflict for both adult and child alike!
This is not about me suggesting that mums have all the pressure, responsibility and burden of this on their shoulders! This is about me saying this is the problem, so what is the solution!
This is why for over 20 years now I have been studying and researching within all these different genres to come up with the answers that are needed so you don’t have to! And for me, at its core, the main aim of this work has been about being able to support the mental and emotional health and wellbeing of the family unit as a whole as the foundation to it all.
This is why I have created the ‘Parenting and Family Success Blueprint’ as a way of being able to alleviate some of the pressure associated with the various underlying feelings and stresses that many parents feel they are ‘suffering’ today! The emotion of guilt being one of them!
I am in the process of getting this new and unique understanding on podcast for you and hopefully ready in the New Year – I will keep you posted
Tomorrow I will be posting out the answer to question 3: What do you believe causes the guilt feelings?