In part 1 of this 2 part series I shared how you can support yourself and your family through a three step communication process as a way of holistically releasing any pressure and stress, rather that it being vented through anger or frustration. As something you can implement right away but also as a long-term strategy - on the road to mastering emotion within parenting and family life.
However, looking at an overall positive to this lock-down, what it has enabled us all to do - is to SLOW DOWN!
What we are are moving through at this moment in time is a traumatic event happening on a World scale however, on a sliding scale of intensity, traumatic events are happening all the time, as something so many of us have experienced before, either as an individual, within families or within communities. Be it individual injury or illness, couples/families going through a divorce, bereavement or a community going through a tragedy such as happened at Grenfell Tower!
And, where now we are going through a World pandemic. So how do you stabilise your mental and emotional health and wellbeing through this in order land safely on the other side? One way is knowing and understanding the landscape you are in regarding a traumatic event and what there is to work through in order to 1: - not get stuck in this helpless space and 2: – giving you a map in order to move through this barren place and reach the other side.
Whether it’s an individual, a family, a community or a world pandemic that ‘Holts us’ the process of transitioning through it is the same.
Let me start with the ‘stuck place’ of step 5, if you don’t move into and through the healing process of step 5 it is at this point, where you can get stuck under the dark cloud of what has happened, where, whatever you do you seem to be affected by the trauma of what has happened and just can’t seem to escape it however hard you try!
What was difficult before has just become even more difficult now and can remain as a negative influence on your life for the rest of your life! Yes life still moves on but somehow the trauma is a shadow that hangs-over you and is continuing to influence the decisions you make – for a lifetime!
However, I don’t want to dwell on the negative I want to focus on the positive! So what is there to focus on that is positive and healing at the same time?
The first thing is that the ‘hamster wheel’ of life has stopped so you can finally pause to see how hectic life has been even to the point that, if you are honest was a ‘bit out of control’ when you knew what you were doing and where now it may feel a ‘bit out of control’ because you don’t!
And secondly, to start focusing on what you can do that is going to support you and your family now and into the future.
So what do we do whilst we are in this unrecognisable place – just cope the best we can whilst we are in it – aiming to go back to ‘normal’ when it’s over?
Yes that is an option, however it’s not a positive - healing action that is focused on each and everyone’s mental and emotional health and wellbeing and choosing to move through ALL THREE of the following steps, is the healing action that is needed, in order to grow and heal through change!
Step 1: Adapting through change.
Step 2: Coping through change. And the most important
Step 3: Learning how to heal, grow and let go through change.
If you only go as far as adapting and coping through what has happened you are still going to be influenced by the experience and this influence can last a lifetime if you don’t stretch through and action step 3 – learning how to heal, grow and let go through what has happened.
My area of expertise is about supporting the mental and emotional health and wellbeing of parenting and family life so my focus is always about supporting parenting and family life through step 3 and as a family, learning how to heal, grow and let go through any changing situation – in order for all of you to land safely and holistically on the other side of whatever the problem or crisis at what ever level of intensity this is.
Working through a process such as this is immense, complex and bespoke to each family regarding what is going on for you and cannot be dealt with wholly, within the writing of this blog. However, what I can give you – as a guide to the doorway into a learning, and healing environment are three questions you can ask and answer as a family through this precious ‘pause’! After will be too late because the ‘hamster wheel’ of life will start speeding up again and this gift of time and healing will be lost.
Here are the 3 questions that I hope will guide you through to the best and strongest possible place you can be as a family post this pandemic.
So here is your challenge as a family!
You are in a place that you don’t recognise but there is a doorway out. The 3 crucial questions below are on this closed door in front of you. Answering them will allow this door to open, however - how you answer them will determine the path and experience you will have on the other side!
1. We are happy to go back to the old way of being and doing things in the same old way once this crisis is over because things were perfect before this happened.
2. We are happy to do nothing and just manage through the chaos that is now, and to continue through the chaos of what may follow from this?
3. We would like to prepare for a new way of being and doing things together as a family or at least we are in a place of acknowledging that we weren’t totally happy with how things were before and recognise that it doesn’t have to be that way and to take the opportunity now, as a family, to plan the future changes we would like to have in place post-pandemic. Taking from the past what was good, releasing what was not and creating a new way of being from what we have learnt because of C19 and the lockdown?
Question 3 relates to the beginning of the important step 3: To Learn, Heal and Grow through change.
Which option are you going to choose?
If you would like any continued guidance through this process please do contact me via [email protected] or connect with my diary to receive a free 60-minute discovery call, and the opportunity to ask me any further questions you may have or just to continue discussing this topic further with me http://bit.ly/DiscoveryCall60
Keep well; stay safe, until we connect again.
Jacqueline Coe – Intelligent Parenting®