Hi I’m Jacqueline Coe and I am a parenting empowerment/lifestyle coach and mentor and this blog is about introducing you to the beginnings of how to protect you and your family’s mental and emotional health and wellbeing through this pandemic and beyond.
It’s important to be speaking about this right now because families are being forced into isolation for the safety of their physical health, however over time this confinement will naturally start affecting your mental and emotional health too by exaggerating anxiety, increasing the chance of disagreements expanding into conflict, as well as having to work through what are new present day frustrations and fears for the future all being brought into this one space of confinement with you too!
In the past you were able escape having to confront these uncomfortable situations by having space, time and a multiple choice of distractions to help you cope, for example; working, shopping, escaping online, holidays, socialising etc.… however, what is going to happen now these ‘distractions’ are slowly being taken away and all that is left is you in your home together - with nowhere to hide?
I need to be brutally honest. If this situation does go on for any length of time and/or if we do eventually move into total lockdown, this is when things will start moving to the next level regarding pressure and the potential of bringing old unresolved issues into the mix too! Not because you want them to but just because they are sat there as unresolved issues in your environment (quite commonly known as ‘baggage’).
Let’s say this is going to happen – how are you going to deal with the combined pressure of unresolved emotional issues from the past, present day frustrations and future fears – with having no distractions, time, space or escape to alleviate these tensions?
If what I am saying is or starts to ring true as time goes on then in order to protect you and your family’s mental and emotional health and wellbeing - I want to give you an introduction to the tools and structure of knowing how to:
I know outside of the home the situation is very difficult, which the government is dealing with, but what about if things start to get difficult inside the home, as part of your role and responsibility and I believe with the right tools and knowledge you can deal with anything that comes your way with calm resolve and compassion.
So here is a simple three-step process you and your family can work with over and over again as a process of resolving each and every issue as they arise. This is about having the stability of one process that is able to support you through disagreements, arguments and/or conflicts as a way of turning things around in the short-term.
STEP 1: Is knowing that; when difficult situations arise – this means something is out of balance – it’s then up to you to figure out what. So how do you do this?
STEP 2: Is for everyone involved in the disagreement, argument or conflict – to move away to somewhere quiet and write down what was going on for them in that moment. You will discover the answer to this will be different for each of you.
STEP 3: After a period of time (ideally the next day), for all parties to sit down together and share their feelings about the situation without anyone interrupting them. Once everyone has been heard the key ‘stretch’ that is needed in order to reach a complete resolution in finding a solution that works for everyone – meaning for each individual involved in the situation and the family as a whole.
This is a key Parenting Mastery skill, which I expand upon in the ‘Mastering Your Emotions’ programme I have created on this subject. Please go to my website – www.intelligent-parenting.co.uk to find out more.
When a disagreement, argument or conflict happens between two children it’s then the responsibility of either parent to guide them through this 3-step process as a way of supporting them through this mental and emotional repair. And that’s it! It’s the same process for any situation where there is a disagreement, argument and/or conflict between anyone in the household - adult or child!
Next time - what choices are there for you to make now in order that the home continues to be a safe, peaceful and supportive environment for everyone beyond this pandemic?
Keep well, stay safe, until we connect again. Jacqueline Coe – Intelligent Parenting®